


A future in ruin

by cryingoverfiction



Series: Haikyuu Mpreg [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A/B/O, ABO, Alpha Iwaizumi Hajime, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Canon Compliant, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, Male omegas are intersex, Mpreg, Oikawa Tooru is genderfluid, Omega Oikawa Tooru, Omegaverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:46:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25931566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryingoverfiction/pseuds/cryingoverfiction
Summary: Four Months after Argentina's win against Japan at the 2021 olympics, Hajime patiently waits for Tooru to come home, but a shock revelation might leave Hajime holding onto a future he will never have.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou (mentioned), Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio (mentioned), Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu (mentioned), Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Haikyuu Mpreg [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/679661
Comments: 46
Kudos: 223





	1. Hajime POV

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a hot minute since I've done any Haikyuu omegaverse, so here you go!

Hajime stares at the laptop screen, at Tooru’s pixelated image. It’s the first awkward moments of the video call, where Hajime is ready to go, jump straight into the conversation that’s been playing on his mind all day, but Tooru is still waiting to connect to audio. They can see each other, and make a little awkward wave, but speaking is still a couple moments away.

Hajime’s heart beats loudly in his ears as he takes in the image of his best friend. The best friend he’s madly in love with. His cheeks are a little rounder, his hair is a little longer, like it used to be back in high school.

It’s been about four months since they last saw each other, when Tooru was back in the country for the Olympics.

He can still remember the omegas moans, breathless whispers of ‘I love you’ and ‘You’re mine’ that were just for the two of them to hear, he remembers the screams - a way of letting everyone on the hotel floor _know_ that for that night, they belonged to each other - the creaking of the wooden bed. He’ll play that memory over and over, to tide him over until the next time they lay in each other’s arms.

Hajime and Tooru had been in a committed and loving relationship back in high school, but once they graduated and realized their paths were going to take them far far away, Tooru to Argentina, Hajime to California, they changed the nature of their relationship. When they’re together, in the same place, they exist only for each other. But every other day, they had a very casual agreement, both were free to date and fuck whoever they wanted.

It had been a foolproof plan. Hajime hadn’t wanted to lose Tooru regardless of the distance, and Tooru didn’t want either of them to feel trapped in a relationship that stretched several borders. It had been perfect.

_Until now._

Hajime had been Miyagi, celebrating his mother’s birthday that very morning. Given that their mothers were close friends, Yuuko, Tooru’s omega mother had been there too. She spent the morning gushing about her only son’s pride and successes – one particular new accomplishment Hajime hadn’t known about. One that sent him down a rabbit hole of confusion and despair.

“Iwa-Chan!” Tooru grins when he _finally_ connects to sound.

Hajime’s heart skips a beat. He’s so in love with this person staring back at him, the person roughly 10 000 miles away. Yeah, Hajime worked it out on a map.

They exchange pleasantries, and Tooru starts to list off the things that have happened since they last saw each other, but Hajime isn’t really in the mood to listen to how Tooru finally got an apartment to himself.

“I spoke to your mother” the words fall from Hajime’s tongue before he can stop them, and Tooru’s face drops, and he slowly shuts his eyes, dread plastered on his features.

Hajime feels a wave of guilt, he hadn’t meant to call him out, he wanted to have a civil, adult conversation about it. They’re 27, that’s what is expected of them now.

“Iwa-chan, please don’t be mad- “

“Is it mine?” they ask at the same time, the internet lags and fuck, Hajime never thought he’d be doing this over Zoom.

He sees Tooru’s bottom lip start to wobble and he shakes his head.

Hajime crumbles. His breathing hitches, and he can’ t focus on a single thing, other than:

_The love of his life is pregnant with another Alpha’s pup._

“Hajime, please!” Tooru chokes on a sob.

“I wanted to say something, but time just kept passing, and I didn’t want you to hate me”

If it hadn’t already, Hajime’s heart breaks. Hajime _hate_ Tooru? Never.

“Congratulations. Does your alpha treat you right?” his voice sounds foreign, empty.

Tooru’s brows knit together.

“Mama didn’t tell you? It was a one night stand. Some American Alpha blowing off some steam during a layover. I never even got his name”

And then there’s just a sliver of hope, if there’s no alpha in the picture, maybe there’s still room for Hajime.

He’s not like most Alpha’s. He’ll happily claim any pups Tooru would have as his own.

“It’s okay baby. When you come home and things go back to how they were, I’ll claim the pup. It doesn’t matter to me.”

The silence on Tooru’s end cuts him like a knife. The omega can’t even look at him through the screen.

Tooru wasn’t coming home.

When they went their separate ways, he had promised to return to Japan once he had made good on his promise to defeat everyone who had ever defeated him. But four months ago, his team won their volleyball game at the Olympics. He had that defeat behind him now, and Tooru was still no closer to Hajime’s bed.

He was holding out for a future that would never come. Especially not now. 9 years is a long time to spend apart. Maybe they don’t remember what normal is.

“I didn’t want you to get worked up like this Hajime, especially over a pup that isn’t yours”

That stings a bit.

They sit in silence for a moment.

“Do you want to see?”

“See what?”

But Tooru’s already standing side on, flattening his loose jumper over the small curve of his belly. Hajime doesn’t really want to think about Tooru growing round with another Alpha’s seed. But when Tooru sits again, the bitterness disappears, because he’s happy. Hajime can see it in his eyes, see it in his smile.

“I know this isn’t what we planned, but I’m really excited for this. I’m going to be a mama, Iwa-chan.”

And a damn good one.

“Okay, tell me more” he smiles, and Tooru’s eyes light up.

“I’m 20 weeks along, turns out I was pregnant at the Olympics, naughty me”

No, surely not. Hajime would have smelled it on him.

“I’m carrying a little small, but that’s okay, my doctor isn’t worried”

Hajime already has a tab up about why an omega might be carrying small, if it meant something was wrong with the pup.

“What did I just say? Doc says its fine. You’re such a worry wart Iwa-chan.” Tooru laughs and shoots him a knowing glance.

Of course, Hajime will worry. What if Tooru’s knee was too weak to withstand pregnancy? Was he still practicing? Would he be allowed back on the team after everything, or would they replace him with someone younger and childless?

“I have everything figured out Hajime, I promise.”

They talk some more about Japan, about Argentina, about the baby. They speak for hours, it’s almost like the way it used to be, like the way it is when they’re physically together. But eventually Hajime leaves, the 12-hour time difference means their calls are always at an inconvenient time for one of them.

He wraps himself in his blankets and grabs one of Tooru’s old hoodies that stopped smelling like him a very long time ago, and he cries himself to sleep.


	2. Tooru POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at things from Tooru's perspective.   
> In which, he wrestles with the consequences of his actions   
> AND  
> has a baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I've enjoyed your comments! I hope you enjoy this chapter, things start getting a bit angsty in the next one

Tooru huffs as the loading symbol on his laptop ticks over. It’s unlike his Iwa-Chan to be late to one of their catch-ups, regardless of the circumstances. But, he is not at the other end of the call. Tooru groans and hoists himself out of his chair, willing himself not to cry over being stood up. It feels like he cries all the time now, about the stupidest things too. He cries about his clothes not fitting, cry about his local grocer discontinuing his favourite flavor of ice cream, cry about his acute home sickness, or his deepest secret, which he carries alone.

His feet and back ache as he makes his way to the kitchen. 37 weeks is starting to take its toll. He’s tired all the time, he’s always hot, even though they’re coming into winter, he’s round and heavy and ready to cry at the drop of a hat.

His determination to not cry any more than he already has today instantly weakens when he realizes he doesn’t have any of his favourite yogurt left in the fridge. He looks down at his distended belly.

“Stop making me eat all the time! I’m running out of food and you’re making me fat!” Tooru complains as he runs a hand over his bump, getting a kick against his palm.

A sharp knock on the door makes him jump, it was 10pm, who the hell would be knocking on his door? In his time away from the court he’s been binging true crime podcasts, which probably wasn’t the smartest idea for a young, attractive omega who lives alone, but hey, he’s always been a glutton for punishment. He moves to grab some form of weapon when-

“Tooru?” A voice calls from the other side of the door.

He drops the frypan he’d grabbed from the sink. Could that be-? No. No he wouldn’t. But he _hadn’t been at the other end of video call._

His feet move before he registers what he’s doing, and he swings the door open wide. Hajime stands on the other side, leaning against his suitcase. The Alpha flashes him a wide grin.

“What the fuck?” Tooru sobs. So much for not crying tonight.

“Hey! Don’t fucking cry when I flew all this way to see you!” Hajime admonishes, but still presses a kiss to Tooru’s nose.

“What are you doing here?”

“Your Mom said you’ve been feeling lonely and I was going to come and surprise you anyway. I got the month off from work, so I’ll be here for the birth and the first couple of weeks, and then Yuuko will come and take over” Hajime says, and Tooru sobs harder, because he misses his Mama, and he has the best alpha. But his blood runs cold, his lie was going to catch up with him. Hajime thought that his due date was _next week,_ but he still had 3 weeks to go.

Tooru had told everyone that he was further along than he really was, to avoid suspicion, and now it was going to come and bite him in the ass. He’d never expected anyone to fly to a different country to help him.

“Are you going to invite me in or not?”

Tooru can’t focus. He’s spiraling. What is he going to do? Can he claim that he’s overdue? Or that the doctor miscalculated the date? Do doctors even do that?

“Shit, I should have told you I was coming. I’m sorry” he says softly, and gently leads Tooru back inside.

This was a side of Hajime only Tooru got to see, because Makki and Mattsun would tease him for it, but it was nice. It was _just for Tooru._ By the time a warm mug of tea is placed in his hands, he’s calmed a bit. His mind is still reeling, but he’s managed to stop crying.

“Look at you” Hajime smirks. Oh, Tooru _knows_ that smirk.

“Iwa-chan, do you have a pregnancy kink?” He teases. The alpha blushes and looks away.

“Shut up, it just- it suits you”

Suits him? Tooru doesn’t see how this could suit anyone. He’s nearly 40 pounds heavier than the last time Hajime saw him, he’s big and disproportionate, the only thing he likes about this whole pregnancy thing is how good his hair and nails look. Well, that _and t_ he fact he’s going to have a pup soon.

“Stop that. You look great. You’re perfect”

Tooru wanders if this what every night might have been like if they were together if they were doing this as a couple. Not as an omega and alpha in a long-distance casual relationship, with the alpha claiming a pup that supposedly wasn’t his while living in another country separated by seas. Tooru doesn’t let himself dwell on that thought for too long, there’s a reason he’s lied, and he won’t let it unravel now.

They sit for a while, and they talk. It might be hours, Tooru doesn’t look at his phone after Hajime arrives. Hajime brings him up to speed with the happenings of the Japanese national team, Hinata was back in Brazil, his boyfriend Atsumu stayed behind, but they were serious about long distance. Tobio went to Italy, and while Tooru never liked the younger Alpha, he can’t help but feel bad for him. Tooru’s sure he would die if Hajime were to fall in love with anyone else, the way Shou-chan had. Apparently, Bokuto had a pup with his mate Akaashi in November. Hajime laughs at the curl in Tooru’s lip when he mentions Ushiwaka in Poland.

“You haven’t changed one bit, Tooru” he yawns

That wasn’t entirely true, Tooru had a win against Ushiwaka now, and a baby too.

“Iwa-chan, you’re jetlagged. Come, let’s go to bed.” Tooru says as he slowly stands and reaches for Hajime’s hand. Wordlessly, Hajime accepts, and they move to the bedroom.

For the first time in a long time, Tooru gets a good night’s sleep.

* * *

It had only been 5 days since Hajime had arrived when his water broke, and he had to face the fact that he would be a parent sooner than he thought. His first instinct was to panic, but he didn’t want Hajime to catch on, so he sent the alpha to run some errands. The first thing he did when he was alone was call his doctor. It was too early, wasn’t it? He wasn’t supposed to go into labor for another 2 weeks, would his pup be okay? But his doctor assured him that 38 weeks was considered full term, and that there wouldn’t be any health issues related to the pup coming this early. So Tooru starts to relax and puts the finishing touches on the nursery, cleans the kitchen, pays some bills.

He remembers keeping his sister company when she was in labor, after she was sent home from the hospital for arriving too early. So, he just monitors his contractions, and goes on with his day.

The more time passes, the more relieved he is. The baby coming early will also make the lie easier to get away with.

It’s a little past noon when Hajime returns, a couple of shopping bags on each arm, a parcel in hand, with a label from Japan - something his mother or sister had sent no doubt. His mouth is pressed into a thin line.

“Are you in labor?” he asks when he sees Tooru.

“N-no” he grits his teeth. That contraction chose a bad time to rear its ugly head. Hajime places the groceries in the kitchen, then turns to face Tooru, arms crossed against his chest.

“Okay, fine. I’m in labor” he says shakily. He’s scared, what if something goes wrong?

“Shittykawa,” Hajime starts, and Tooru already feels his breathing slow. The nickname he’s always hated just a reminder that things are normal, it’s all okay.

“Calm down. I won’t let anything happen to you. Either of you. Now come on, your pup wants to meet you.”

36 grueling hours later, Tooru lays in the hospital bed, holding his baby against his chest. He’s been waiting for this moment, _dreaming_ of this moment for so long, but nothing could have prepared him for how it would feel to hold his actual _child_ in his arms.

“She’s perfect” Hajime breathes from Tooru’s side.

He had a daughter, A perfect little girl with a head of perfect brown hair, a perfect little nose, and big blue eyes which all babies have, and Tooru will watch nervously as their colour shift.

“She looks just like you Tooru, she doesn’t look mixed at all”

Had Hajime spent all this time thinking she would look like another Alpha?

“I want to name her Sakiya – growing cherry blossom. What do you think Haji?”

Hajime could never know why, but it was very important to Tooru that they agree on her name. The alpha looks at the sleeping pup and smiles.

“I think it's suits her"


	3. Hajime POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth never stays buried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely comments! I'm not going to lie, comments keep me going so thanks!  
> I got so carried away while writing this chapter, whoops.

Hajime observes the bustle of the busy airport around him. He’s waiting for Tooru’s text telling him where to meet him and the pup. Sakiya’s third birthday was fast approaching so he and Tooru had arranged for him to visit as a surprise to her.

While Hajime still lived in Japan, and Tooru in Argentina with little Sakiya, and they were still in their awkward casual long distance relationship, the little pup absolutely adored Hajime, and thought of the olive skinned Alpha as her father. Hajime has a video of the first time she spoke, Tooru sent it to him at the 3 in the morning, he still watches it nearly every day. Sakiya had grabbed a photo of the two of them in their teens, when they were a young couple, pointed to Hajime and said ‘Da-da’. Hajime’s heart still swells with pride at the thought. Sakiya might not be his blood, but she was his daughter in every other way. And he really wants to see her.

Hajime furrows his brow as he looks at his phone again, still no messages. It was unlike Tooru to leave him hanging like this.

He takes another look at his surroundings, he’s in the middle of the food court, maybe he should get some lunch, or at least a coffee while he waits? He’s just about to join the queue when his phone starts ringing, he looks but it’s not Tooru calling, it’s Matsukawa.

He and Hanamaki had been holidaying in Argentina, mainly because they missed their friend, and they had planned to stay for Sakiya’s birthday. Maybe Tooru’s phone had died? So he presses the green button and brings the phone to his hear.

“Hello-“

“Hajime? Have you landed yet?” Issei asks, there’s a hint of panic to his voice, and Hajime shivers. He’s suddenly got a bad feeling about Tooru’s radio silence.

“Issei?”

“Tell me you’re here already. Something’s happened, Sakiya-Chan, she-“ He pauses, someone’s talking to him on the other end of the phone, Hajime thinks he can hear Takahiro in the background.

What had happened to Sakiya?

“Issei”

If anything happened to the pup, Hajime wouldn’t be able to live with himself, and Tooru. How would Tooru handle it? What if Tooru was hurt too?

“Issei” he growls, desperation ringing clear in his voice. He needs to know what has happened to his family.

“Fuck, Hajime, you need to get here, ah, Guarda Santa Lucia and _now”_ Issei says the name slowly and incorrectly, but his stomach drops anyway, because that’s the hospital. The same one Tooru gave birth in. Why would they be at the hospital?

“Issei, what the fuck happened?”

He knows people are starting to stare, he’s making a scene, but he doesn’t care.

“Sakiya was in an accident. She lost a lot of blood and she needs a transfusion. You’re the only – fuck, Tooru is going to kill me – Hajime, you’re her father”

Hajime drops the phone. The screen shatters. So does he.

Sakiya was _his d_ aughter. Sakiya had been his daughter all along. Tooru had lied to him. To _him._ It hurts Hajime, how much sense it all made. How crystal clear everything became. The carrying small, the no change in scent at the Olympics despite Tooru’s claim to have been already pregnant, the omega’s reaction when Hajime came to visit, his insistence that Hajime return to Japan instead of staying in Argentina like he had planned. Tooru had been lying to him, _this whole time._

Fuck, Sakiya didn’t even look the slightest bit American, in fact she looked eerily like his own mother when she was young. Because Sakiya was his daughter.

How could Tooru do this to him? To them? Didn’t he know that Hajime would have dropped everything to be with them?

Shit, he doesn’t have the time for this. Sakiya’s hurt, and she needs him, so he picks up his phone, drags his luggage behind him and runs for the nearest taxi rank.

He meets Issei in the waiting room at the hospital.

“Where is she?” he growls, and Issei grabs his arm.

“Hajime- “

“Take me to her” he demands. If only he could command another Alpha.

“Hajime,” Issei says again, voice dropping several octaves.

“Calm down. Tooru isn’t great right now, and you need to sort out your alpha shit before you go in there. Your daughter is suffering, and Tooru doesn’t need you barging in and making things worse. Save your girl _and then_ get angry.”

Hajime knows he’s talking sense. Right now isn’t the time to be angry, but he can’t help if he’s furious, right? His daughter was hidden away from him, even if she was right under his nose. He had so many questions, and he deserved answers. Issei squeezes Hajime’s arm. Right. Save Sakiya, then get mad.

Save Sakiya.

Then get mad.

He can do this. His daughter needs him, of course he can do this.

Issei leads Hajime to his daughters’ room, and his heart breaks. Tooru is curled up in a seat next to the bed, clinging to Takahiro for dear life. He’s about to drop, Hajime can smell it on him. He lays a hand on Tooru’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t have it in him to say anything to him yet, but he needs to let the omega know _he’s here._

“Hajime?” Tooru asks, his voice wavering. He’s scared of what Hajime will do, what he’s thinking. Hajime can’t focus on his thoughts. He looks at the child in the bed, his precious daughter, with brown hair a few shades darker than her mother’s – oh, right. Because that Hajime’s hair. She’s pale and hooked up to machines. The slow, weak pulse of her monitor makes Hajime wish he were deaf. That’s his daughter, and she’s dying.

Issei pages a nurse and explains what had happened while they wait. Tooru, Takahiro and Issei had been at the beach to kill time while waiting for Hajime’s flight to land. Tooru had heard some commotion in the waves and instinctively looked to see what was happening. In the 30 seconds he didn’t have eyes on his daughter, she had wandered into the busy street, and been hit by a car. They’re very lucky that the car was going slowly, but she did have a broken leg and had hit her head against the asphalt. She had lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion. Tooru had opted for a parent to provide, thinking he would be a match, but instead, that was where Hajime came in.

So, he lets the nurses and the doctors take charge, and do what they have to to save her. They’re all ushered into waiting room. Issei and Takahiro leave to go find coffee, but Hajime suspects they’re trying to escape the tension. Tooru sits on one of the plastic chairs of the waiting room, hugging his knees to his chest. He’s said about three words since Hajime arrived, and the silence is driving him mad.

“I’m sorry” he mumbles. Hajime turns to look at him.

Tears fall silently from Tooru’s eyes.

“For lying to me?” he guesses.

“For being a bad mother. If she makes it, you should take her back with you” Tooru fails to stifle a sob.

Fuck, really? Is that what he thought? Hajime has a lot of emotions to work through, but he had not once thought of separating Tooru and Sakiya.

This isn’t the first breakdown about parenting that Tooru has ever had, but this has to be the worst. Their child was hurt, and it could have been avoided. It was accident, and things like this happen, but it’s not easy to shrug off. Hajime takes Tooru’s hand and squeezes. Sure, he’s angry with him, and he doesn’t want to see his ridiculously pretty face, but Tooru needs him now, so that anger can – and will – wait.

“You’re not a bad mom. Come on, these things happen. She’ll be okay, Tooru”

“You haven’t seen the looks these people have been giving me- “

“Baby, they’ve probably seen the worst of the worst. You’re not a bad mother. Anyone who says otherwise can deal with me. Tooru, I can’t think of anyone better to be the mother of my pup, okay?”

They sit in silence for a while, just fiddling with each other’s fingers when Tooru sighs.

“We need to talk about this Hajime, y’know everything”

Hajime can’t. Not right now. He needs time to just process the fact that he is a father, and he has been without knowing it – or even suspecting it.

“Fuck, Tooru – I- not now. We can talk soon, but-“

“Are you Sakiya’s parents?” A woman in pink scrubs asks. Hajime had been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn’t seen her coming.

“Ye- y-“ Tooru can’t keep his voice firm enough to say anything.

“Yes” Hajime answers for him. The word feels heavy on his tongue.

_He’s a parent._

She smiles at them, but Hajime can’t tell if it’s a ‘good news’ or ‘bad news’ smile. Tooru’s grip on Hajime’s hand tightens like a vice.

“The procedure went really well, she responded positively to the transfusion. The doctors want her kept in for about a week just for observation, given she is so young, but he’ll go over that with you shortly. You can sit with her and wait for the anesthesia to wear off.”

Once she leaves, Tooru sobs inn relief, and Hajime holds him close.

They sit with her, and already Hajime can see the colour returning to her face. He gently brushes his fingers against her soft cheeks, and for the first time since this terrible day began, he allows himself to cry. The stress, anger, confusion and sheer terror catch up with him. Tooru sobs with him, and latches his arms around Hajime’s waist.

“I’m so sorry” he says again, and while Hajime returns the embrace, this time he says nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't find too much info on toddlers being involved in car accidents (which is a good thing) so I just used my very limited knowledge of Greys Anatomy to set the scene, please forgive me if it's wildly inaacurate.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a week since Tooru last saw Hajime. He knows the alpha has been visiting their daughter while Tooru’s not there, she always seems to have new toys, fresh flowers, and a lovely new message on her cast whenever he returns from his outings with Makki.

 _“You can’t waste away in here. You’ll need your strength for when Sakiya comes home”_ the other omega would say, but Tooru knew they were working with Hajime.

It’s fine, Hajime needs to spend time with her, but isn’t ready to face Tooru.

Tooru’s not ready face Hajime either.

Tooru sits with his daughter, playing with her as she plays with her dolls. He pulls her close. Sakiya is discharged tomorrow, and Tooru can almost feel a huge weight lift from his chest – he can almost breathe again. He cannot wait to bring her home, their apartment has felt horribly empty without her, and after this he’ll never let her out of his sight again. He had looked away for _a second._ He wasn’t neglectful, he had just made a simple, innocent mistake, and he had nearly lost _everything._

“No crying Mama!” Sakiya pouts, wiping the silent tears from Tooru’s cheeks.

She looks so much like Hajime, how had no one ever noticed? Tooru smiles at her and tightens his grip on her.

“Sorry baby” he whispers, kissing the top of her head.

He strokes her hair, reading bedtime stories until her quiet little breaths turned into snores. He really didn’t want to leave her, but he also didn’t want to be a taking a car full of toys and blankets home in the morning, so he collects most of her things, leaving a couple of toys and her favourite jacket for when she woke up and headed back to his apartment.

He trudges up the stairs to his apartment – the elevator in the building had broken a year ago and no one had bothered to fix it – and he comes to a standstill. His heartbeat speeds up, and he can hear it pounding in his ears. Sitting against his door, was Hajime.

Tooru’s not sure if he can do this today. He hasn’t thought about what he’s going to say, how to defend himself – or if he even should. His baby is still in the hospital, and he’s still feeling incredibly insecure about his parenting, not feeling worthy of being Sakiya’s mama.

Tooru is about to turn and flee when Hajime looks up from his phone, his green eyes meeting Tooru’s brown ones.

“Tooru” he says softly, and the omega takes a deep, shaky breath

“Hajime”

“We need to talk”

So this was it

“Okay”

Tooru unlocks his apartment and they sit at the dining table. Tooru makes some tea, but it grows cold while they sit in silence. Hajime doesn’t know where to start and Tooru doesn’t want to start for him, so the omega opts to look out the window and watch the bustling city below, and the blue sea that stretches beyond it.

“How are you doing with all this?” Hajime asks eventually. It’s not the question he expected. He thought he was going to be yelled at, that he would be threatened with losing Sakiya, that the life he had built would crumble before him. He bursts into tears, because he’s not coping with any of it.

“I’m a bad mother” he sobs.

“Hey, hey no,” Hajime starts, and takes Tooru’s hand, giving it a squeeze. Tooru pulls away. “It was a terrible mistake, but it doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother”

Tooru hugs his knees to his chest, and Hajime sighs.

“I don’t want to be mad about this, so can we please talk?”

He can’t help the feeling od dread that claws at his throat. Tooru had never wanted to talk about this, had never really planned to.

“Why aren’t you angry with me?” he whispers.

Tooru doesn’t miss the clench in Hajime’s jaw, or the way his gaze flicks past him to the night shrouded city. Oh, he is angry.

“I’m fucking furious,” he starts, his tone is fierce, but he doesn’t yell. “That’s my daughter and you kept her from me!” He closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath.

“I just want to _understand,_ Tooru.”

The brunette knows he owes Hajime at least that.

“Were you scared I wouldn’t support you? Was that it?”

“I was scared you would” Tooru admits, for the first time. Issei may have been the only person to know, but he never knew _why._ No one but Tooru himself knew why.

Hajime’s eyebrows furrow, and Tooru sighs, knowing he’ll have to break it down.

“Hajime, your whole life, your career, it’s in Japan. I was scared you’d force me to go back, or worse, you’d give up everything to be here instead”

“But I- I was going to anyway. Why wouldn’t you want me here?”

“I was terrified you would end up resenting her. When you realized your life here wasn’t like your life in Japan, you’d think our daughter was the one who took that from you”

Tooru hasn’t realized how nice it is to actually refer to Sakiya as ‘our daughter’.

“Don’t put those words into my mouth. I would _never_ hate her. I was willing to relocate here when I thought she was just another alpha’s seed – how could I hate my own daughter?”

“You say that now, but it was a risk I couldn’t-“

“It’s a choice I would have liked to have been given Tooru!” He’s yelling now, and Tooru can’t shake the feeling that this might be it for them.

“Did you really think I would make you do anything you didn’t want to do?” his voice cracks, and Tooru’s heart breaks.

“Again, it was a risk I couldn’t take”

The silence hangs heavy over them, then tension in the air is so thick, Tooru is being smothered by it.

A car horn fills the silence for a brief reprieve, and Hajime takes another breath.

“Issei knew?”

Tooru sighs. He’s made a lot of stupid mistakes over the years, the _incident_ with Issei had been one of them.

“Don’t be mad at him. Issei was caught in an impossible position, torn between two of his best friends. I was probably 8 months pregnant, maybe a day or two before you arrived, and he clued into what was going on-“

“He knew, this whole time?” the alpha asks through grit teeth, his usually calming scent of apple and spiced cinnamon turning sour.

“Hajime, Hajime please don’t be angry with him. He wanted to tell you, I begged- I _begged_ him not to say anything. Issei wanted to do the right thing, just be mad at me, okay?”

Hajime doesn’t need to say ‘I am’ for Tooru to know that he is.

Tooru would never forgive himself if this cost Issei his friendship with Hajime. He’s already accepted that their relationship can never come back from this, but Hajime and Issei’s needed to be salvaged.

“Haji, I’m so sorry I’ve kept her from you, I thought this was the best thing for you, I should’ve known-“

“yes, you should have,” Hajime interrupts, pinching the bridge of his nose and takes a deep wavering breath “All these years, I have _wished_ that Sakiya was mine.” Tooru can see the tears forming but Hajime squeezes his eyes shut.

“This is the worst thing you have ever done, Tooru”

But he had known that.

“She knows,” he blurts out.

He’d never told her, he never really planned to, but he had fantasized about it. She would’ve been older, maybe once she returns from college, when she understands that parents aren’t an almighty force, they make stupid mistakes too. He’s never told her, but a part of him knows he doesn’t have to, because –

“Just the way she acts around you, the way she worships you, talks about you when you’re not here, it’s the same way a pup should treat their father. She’s a smart kid and I’m sure she knows.

Hajime can’t keep it at bay anymore. He slumps back in his chair, and cries. He sobs, actually, and Tooru has no idea what to do. This isn’t their first fight, not by a mile – this isn’t the first time they’ve had to comfort each other, but now Hajime almost feels like a stranger to him. Would the alpha appreciate Tooru comforting him? Does Hajime even want to be near Tooru? So he sits, and watches as the love of his life’s heart breaks and knows there’s nothing that can be done.

This was his fault. His selfishness had done this.

And now he can’t even bring himself to apologize.

“When can I tell her?” Hajime asks as he plays with their sleeping daughters hair. She’d finally been allowed him, and after a full day of visits from Hajime, Issei and Takahiro, Tooru’s teammates and Sakiya’s friends from daycare, the little pup had been completely worn out, and passed out on the couch.

“I don’t know Hajime, soon. Maybe not when we’re all still reeling from the trauma oof her being hit by a fucking car.” Tooru sighs and rubs his temples. Today had jut been, rough.

Hajime was insisting that just because he was mad, and hurt an upset, it didn’t mean he hated Tooru. He just wants them to focus on being the best they can be for Sakiya’s sake. Despite this near constant reassurance, the tension is still heavy in the air, and bleeds into his airways, making him feel like he can’t breathe.

He’s spent most of his days cooped up in his bedroom, not willing to deal with his friends. He had let his daughter be hit by a car, how could they think he was anything but an unfit parent?

“Stop it” Hajime says softly

They had never needed a bond to know what was going on in each other’s minds. 

“It was an accident Tooru, she totally fine now. Please don’t beat yourself up about this anymore”

Tooru doesn’t think he will ever stop beating himself up about it, so he changes the subject.

“Let’s just get her to bed” he yawns, but Hajime already has her in his arms, with a hand supporting her cast.

Tooru watches as he places her on the bed, places a pillow under her cast and pulls the blanket over her, kissing her forehead as he tucks it under her chin. Tooru’s seen him do this a thousand times before, but it’s different now, and the guilt clenches at his chest.

“It’s late, I should get going” He says, and shrugs on his jacket.

“Why don’t you just stay here?”

“Because my hotel has a bed-“

“I have a bed”

Hajime avoids eye contact, suddenly taking interest in his shoes.

“Oh, you don’t want-“

“I just think we need time, to process everything”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Tooru tries to joke.

“Were we ever really together in the first place?”

And that stings a bit.

As Hajime turns his back and leaves the apartment, Tooru knows that keeping Sakiya from the alpha was the biggest mistake of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> I headcanon that Oikawa is genderfluid, which is why he refers to himself as mama.  
> I can't promise when the next chapter will be up, I'm very busy between full time college load and I'm working 2 jobs 2 hours apart so I'm always travelling yay me!
> 
> Please leave a kudos and comment validation!!


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